Discover Your Inner Wisdom by Char Margolis & Victoria St. George

Author:Char Margolis & Victoria St. George
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

You need to know yourself well first so you can understand what’s going on in the relationship, so use your inner wisdom. Choose based on your intuition, logic, and common sense; be willing to look at your potential partners (and yourself) with honesty when it comes to the traits and qualities you want in a relationship; and then go for it—create your destiny the way you want it to be.

Your Family, Chosen or Otherwise

Some of our most important relationships aren’t romantic, but are those with our friends and family. And in the same way our romantic partners provide us with life lessons, so do our family and friends. I believe that before we come into this life we choose our parents and to be born into a particular family because there are relationships from past lives that must be played out and lessons to be learned with these people.

Every relationship is dynamic and we must recognize and acknowledge the changes as our children grow and our parents age. As children, we learn how to relate from our parents and other adults we see around us. When we grow up, we apply those lessons in our other relationships. The problem arises, however, when those lessons are not good ones. I think there’s been a lot of dysfunctional parenting in our world, and this can cause difficulties when children grow up. People are looking for the love they failed to get from their mothers and fathers, and they continue the dysfunctional patterns they learned at home.

Recently I read for a young couple, and I quickly picked up that the young man had problems with his father, Carl, who had never approved of the son and was very harsh with him. There was an energy block in the young couple’s relationship that came from the father-son dynamic. “Just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean he’s right,” I said. “You’re allowing your father’s negativity to affect this relationship, and that’s a mistake. Your fiancée’s parents love you, and they’ll help you both create a stable, loving family environment. But don’t continue giving your dad power over your relationship. He’s just not worth it.” Both the son and his fiancée were grateful for this advice and left promising they would create a new loving family together.

As a psychotherapist who does a lot of family counseling, my sister Alicia can attest to the influence of our parents when it comes to our ability to relate to others. She agrees that it’s critical to be clear about the patterns we pick up from our parents; this is part of knowing ourselves and also preparing ourselves to build healthy relationships as adults. We can use our common sense, logic, and intuition to examine the ways we relate to others and determine if these are ineffective patterns we learned as children. Here are a few questions to help you determine some of your patterns:

Are you a “people pleaser”?

Are you bossy or withdrawn or demanding or cold?

Do you have problems

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